"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
We all heard this question as children, posed by well-meaning parents, teachers, and even friends. It seemed innocent—perhaps even necessary—as if knowing our future career path was the key to a successful and fulfilling life.
But looking back, I realize that no one ever asked me:
"Who do you want to be?"
At first glance, the difference might seem subtle. But in reality, it’s profound.
"What do you want to do?" emphasizes external achievements—career success, productivity, and status. It subtly conditions us to gauge our worth by titles, salaries, and accomplishments. Conversely, “Who do you want to be?” shifts the focus inward—toward character, values, and meaning. It fosters self-discovery, purpose, and intrinsic fulfillment rather than merely pursuing societal definitions of success.
The Real-World Consequences of Asking the Wrong Question
Throughout my career as a Director of HR, I had a front-row seat to one of the most troubling yet common workplace realities: employee disengagement. I witnessed countless talented individuals—both leaders and employees—burn out, grow disillusioned, and detach from their work. It wasn’t due to a lack of competence, intelligence, or effort. Rather, they had lost their sense of purpose.
The Great Resignation was a wake-up call. In the wake of COVID-19, millions walked away from careers that didn’t align with their values. A staggering 47 million Americans quit their jobs in 2021 alone—not just for better pay but because they craved meaningful and fulfilling work.
According to a 2023 Gallup poll, only 32% of employees are engaged at work, while 18% are actively disengaged—costing companies an estimated $1.9 trillion in lost productivity. These statistics reveal an undeniable truth: people are no longer willing to trade their well-being for external markers of success.
As I reflect on my own upbringing, I wonder: What if we had been asked a different question when we were young?
Instead of shaping our identities around job titles, what if we had been encouraged to explore our values, strengths, and purpose? What if we had been asked, "Who do you want to be?"
What Positive Psychology Teaches Us About True Fulfillment
For decades, society has encouraged us to chase extrinsic rewards—money, promotions, and prestige—assuming they will bring happiness. However, positive psychology research tells a different story.
Dr. Martin Seligman, a pioneer in the field, introduced the PERMA model, which identifies five core elements that lead to true happiness and well-being:
· Positive Emotion – Cultivating joy, gratitude, and optimism.
· Engagement – Losing yourself in work or activities that bring fulfillment (flow state).
· Relationships – Building strong, meaningful connections.
· Meaning – Finding purpose and contributing to something greater than oneself.
· Accomplishment – Achieving personal growth and continuously striving for self-improvement.
What’s striking is that none of these elements rely solely on career success. Rather, they emphasize who we are, how we connect with others, and how we derive meaning from our experiences.
Interested in discovering your character strengths? Dr. Martin Seligman and other distinguished psychologists and researchers created a complimentary strengths assessment that nearly 35 million people have already taken. You can take the VIA Character Strengths Survey here: https://www.viacharacter.org.
Changing the Conversation: Asking the Right Questions
If we want to empower future generations to live a more engaged, fulfilling life, we must change the questions we ask as parents, educators, and employers.
Instead of asking, "What do you want to do?" the more impactful questions are:
· What activities bring you joy, excitement, or gratitude?
· What are your strengths, and how do you use them daily?
· How often do you connect with people who uplift and inspire you?
· What values matter most to you, and how do you live by them?
· How do you define success—and does it align with your core beliefs?
The Path Forward: Shifting our Being into our Doing
By shifting our focus, we can:
· Increase workplace engagement and satisfaction.
· Prevent burnout and mental exhaustion.
· Cultivate purpose-driven careers and relationships.
· Help individuals and organizations thrive.
The Great Resignation proved that people are already seeking this shift. The next step is to ensure that future generations don’t experience the same disillusionment before realizing what truly matters.
It’s time to change the conversation.
Because, in the end, success isn’t just about what we do—it’s about who we become.
Live Your Magick!
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